Hey, 你和自己的关系怎么样？

Hey！What is your relationship with yourself?

看过太多关于如何和他人相处的文章了，里面包含着太多的方法，比如说如何真诚的对待一个人，和别人怎样的关系是舒服的，但是告诉如何和自己关系好的文章却没怎么见到过。我们习惯的忽略了自己或压制了自己的想法去迎合别人的意见，我们降低了自己内心真实的声音并保持安静当遇到不同的声音时，忽略了自己的感受而去一味地倾听他人地心声。

There are too many articles about teaching people how to get along with others, such as how to treat people frankly or how to build a positive relationship. Those methods are indeed important, people, however, ignore how to get along with themselves. We usually repress our ideas and cater to others’ opinions, sink our inner voice and keep quiet when facing conflicts, and neglect our own feeling but listen to others’ voices.

所以我们和自己的关系还不如和朋友的关系，我们不自信，失望于自己的缺点，怀疑自己的决定，恼怒于自己的错误​。又或者是，他们总是说着要“检讨自己”，可是​究竟该怎么检讨？​是要责怪责己吗？那如果连自己都责怪的话，那又应该表扬谁呢​？也许就是因为我们本身对自己某些时候的否定，才导致了被PUA。我并不是说就算自己做错事情之后仍然要一直错下去，只是当发现自己做错时，不要陷入无尽，无用的恶性自责中​。

Therefore, our self-relationships are even worse than our relationships with our friends. We are not confident, we are disappointed by our defects, and we are annoyed by mistakes made by ourselves. People always believe we should review ourselves, but how to do that? Is it to criticize oneself? If it is true, who should we praise? Actually, in some cases, we are easier to be hurt by others due to our own denial. I don’t mean that even though we do some wrongs, we still keep doing and don’t change. What I am saying is that when we discover we did something wrong, we should not be trapped in endless and useless self-criticism.

为什么和自己搞好关系很重要？

Why it is important to have a positive relationship with yourself?

因为只有你自己看过你自己脆弱的一面，陪你走过所有的路，知道你的所有爱好，知道你的所有小秘密，所以你有什么理由不和你自己搞好关系？

That is because only you know your vulnerable side, only you can accompany you to the end, and only you know your all hobbies and little secrets. Hence, you don’t have any reason to not get along with yourself.

那么我们该如何和自己​搞好关系？

So how do we build a good relationship with ourselves?

我们应该坦然接受失败：因为只有先接受了失败，才能告诉自己”下次做得更好就可以了“

Firstly, we should accept failure because it is the only way to step forward, or you can only stay where you are and blame yourself.

我们不应该压抑情绪：释放情绪的办法有太多太多，这里就不再过多赘述，但想说的是，有些时候觉得烦躁和郁闷时，可以停下来去看个电影，散个步，而不是告诉自己再做几道题或者再学一会再去休息，因为后面的那些题或者东西你的大脑不想吸收，也不想要​。所以何不把自己的生活过的chill一点​？

Secondly, we should not suppress our emotions. There are lots of ways to refresh ourselves, and this isn’t the main point I want to illustrate. The thing I want to emphasize is when you are restless, please stand up and walk for a while to admire the stars in the sky. Instead of telling yourself, you should keep learning to finish this chapter. Your brain doesn’t want to acquire knowledge anymore because it needs you to relax.

我们要用更宽阔​的眼光去看别人：我们也许会看到别人的愤怒和不耐烦，但试着想想是什么导致了他们那样，“是因为他们今天遇到什么不开心的事情了？还是因为身体不舒服​？” 而不是一味的指责别人“为什么脾气这么不好，说话这么难听。”

Thirdly, we need to stand in one’s shoes to consider some things, which provides a chance to not be angry with others. Usually, some people may say something irrationally, which may annoy us, so we may reprehend why they have such a bad temper and speak bitterly. In contrast, if you can try to think what things cause them to be like that. Do they meet something unhappy? Are they sick today? You will think maybe there are some reasons that cause them irritation, so we will not go to bother.

我们不要常常预判​：为什么突然想到这个点呢？是因为我自己是一个很容易相信一个东西的发生就是预示着另外一个事情​。就比如说一个养得好好的盆栽突然枯死了，那么我就会觉得这是不是预示着一些不好的事情​？但是慢慢的我觉得​根本没必要有这个想法。一件事情的发生就是因为一些关于这件事情的因素导致它的发生，跟其他东西没有任何联系。

Fourthly, we should not always predict something. Why do I come up with this idea? Because it is easy to establish some illusory correlations. For example, the sudden death of my plant will lead me to think there will be some bad to happen since I think the withered plant may symbolize something. Gradually, I don't emerge with such ideas because the occurrence of something only relates to some connected things. For instance, the sudden death of a plant may be only because I forgot to water it. There is no correlation with other things.

我们应该允许三分钟热度：常常对自己的自责，来源于自己没有把这件事情坚持下去，在放弃的路上越走越远，而后时常想起来，便陷入深深的懊恼​。但是事实就是，我们不需要任何事情都去一直坚持做，我们就是需要在三分钟热度里筛选掉那些对于我们来说有些难的坚持，但是如果那些要坚持的东西是一些不得不或者是我们希望的，那何尝不换个方法​？比如说坚持了多久，就给自己一个奖励​。

Last but not least, we should allow ourselves to have a 3-minute passion. We usually feel upset about why we don’t stick to one thing but go far away on the way of abandonment. However, the truth is that we don’t need to keep doing all things because our short passion is the best way to filter something that is not fit us. It is true that sometimes you know you should keep doing something, but you can’t do it due to procrastination, so try some self-encouragement to reward yourself. For example, tell yourself if you successfully adhere to one week or month, you can buy something you desire.

其实还有很多和自己打好关系的办法，总之最重要的就是别和自己较劲，最后祝看到这篇文章的读者：自己多去看看月亮和星星，和自己吃顿好的，和自己做最好的朋友，不要一直沉浸在无解的​纠结中。“

Actually, there are lots of methods that I have not mentioned above, but the most important thing is that don’t always compete with yourselves.